My Journal (My Life) – ↠ Emilyn's Journey ↞

“The journey matters more than the destination.” – Tony Fahkry

Posted on December 12, 2015October 13, 2020 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Prose

It’s been a line, perhaps a bit over said, repeated over and over, at least a million times, for reassurance caught between tangled messes and the highest of climaxes:

“The journey matters more than the destination.”

They had told me of the destination before, and for so long it was just an idea. Perhaps it was a notion that was persuaded by the people that we surround ourselves with, and it would give us prosperity in its different variations of success. They had told me of the wealth, the favor, the eminence of the comfort it’d bring me. Like a higher being, it was something so magnificent, so devilishly charming, yet defiant it would be an extraordinary endeavor. Yet, I couldn’t possibly believe of settling for a destination.

I once thought about the happiness that it would bring into my life, if I had reached this place. Knowing that the journey would hurt more than a destination could try to make up for, but they had told me day in and day out that through the pain and the tears that it take to get there: that it would be incredible; that I would feel invincible.

They spoke of it like a promise land of wishes granted, and a billion stars, but I could only think about where I could possibly go from there, and one destination became distant, and soon a faint sight.

I have re-thought of my failures, and my moments of happiness in my journey, that they are the same, and I have counted the times I have walked, and each steps I have taken and realized that they count the same. I stand in the same place, the same endeavor, the same destination, still reaching to all my ambitions and aspirations, no matter how far they may be. My feet planted in every step no matter how difficult it becomes, and I cannot imagine a different path.

I cannot count how many times I’ve told myself that I have to be the person that gets up more times that I have fallen, but each time, I think is a new beginning, and before I am able to arch my back in defeat, I hold my head up, and suit up for the journey, and like I have heard a million times before, “The journey matters more than the destination.”

– Emilyn Nguyen, Wise Words: “The journey matters more than the destination.” – Tony Fahkry

Dear New York,

Posted on April 25, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Travel

April 23^rd, 2015 – April 25^th, 2015

Dear New York,

I have heard about your chaotic beauty. How your lights never dim, your streets never end, and your energy never stops seeking the attention you know deserve…

–

For these past three days, I experienced you, New York City for the first time with my High School Music Program. As all of our music ensembles from Symphonic band, Jazz band to all the Choirs took on competition at a music festival at the Riverside Church at the end of this week, we got the chance to roam and experience the city from the night we arrived to the day of competition. Endlessly moving starting on the afternoon of our arrival, we began with Broadway show of our choice; followed by a full day of sightseeing, wandering, and adventuring through your Chelsea Market, Highline Park, Battery Park, Time’s Square, ending with a Subway Series Yankee versus Mets game which lead us into our competition day! Being a busy few days, it was certainly an unforgettable first trip to you, New York City.

Living in New York state, you would think that I would have at least gone to New York City at least once in my life time, but this was in fact my first time, and there were many events, and sights that made it absolutely unforgettable. Living in a small town, the aura New York City shared with me was one with energy of enthusiasm. You welcomed us with loud horns, and music, street acts, and dancers.

Packing List:

Things I Packed [In a Small Black Backpack]:

My Brown Leather Notebook – Always.
My Sketch Book
An Agenda: How could I go without my Kate!
Phone
Camera
Utensils
Magazines: Time, and Popular Science (My favorite!)
Reading Book: Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time [Let me know if any one of you would like me to do a review on this book.]
iPad Mini
Homework: [Unfortunately for the “Music Trip” we left on a school day, so I had a few essays to write for my AP classes, and projects to plan to make up for missing my classes. ]

Things I Packed [In a Small Duffle]:

Laptop
Pearl Necklace
Black Flats
Sneakers
Red Lipstick
Tee shirts
Jeans
My Favorite Trench Coat
My Favorite Pair of Pajamas
Black Performance Dress
My Flute
Crutches

Yes, the crutches, roaming through the city on crutches surely makes it unforgettable, from the view of a pair of metal pieces, I still felt so humbled to have been here with the company of my friends, and classmates.

Ice Packs

Activities and Excursions/Travel Itinerary:

Matilda on Broadway

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I don’t have enough amazing words for this show! I was absolutely blown away! I can’t pick a number but I think the alphabet number was my favorite! Impeccable show! Would definitely recommend it, and I’ll be seeing it again!

Times Square

Despite crutching twelve blocks throughout Times Square, I had an amazing time with friends stuck by my side, smiles and laughter while people watching by the streets.

Chelsea Market

What a cute little market! There were so many little shops that offered many different foods, trinkets, and everything you can think of! There was this AMAZING Crepe Bar! I had the classic Strawberry and Nutella Crepe! SO GOOD. There is something for everyone here. You can come for a stroll, or you can come to shop – or pictures. There was so much creativity coming from each shop in this market.

High Line Park

High Line Park is the epitome of all railroad tracks – so absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful.

Battery Park

Spontaneous adventures are a must when in New York, and this was one of them. Seeing the Statue of Liberty from afar, taking pictures of the water… what could beat it?

New York Yankees versus New York Mets Subways Series Game

The Yankees won! Our seats were amazing, minus the fact that we were facing the wind, as our hats were blown away, and our faces were burnt by the heavy wind. Freezing but SO MUCH FUN!

Riverside Church

WE DID SO WELL IN COMPETITION! All our groups performed and got high markings even with the difficulty of our pieces!

–

I cannot find the right words nor enough words to describe these past few days, though it was a short time period spent. I feel as if New York has brought a new light to my eyes, and a wanderlust to come back to explore more.

As I’m currently on the way home from your known lights, New York, on this bus, I must say, your confidence speaks loudly through the people that roam your streets in the amounts of human bodies and endless noise. Millions of people have grazed the cement grounds all agreeing that: you are undoubtedly, one of the most beautiful, yet sophisticated places we have ever stepped foot on. You are confident in all those you allow to step foot on your stone. You shine your lights on them, and brightly, never dimmed. You surprise them. You entertain them. You take them in, and on to your streets, letting them strut and bring their world to yours. New York, without question, I have “New York State of Mind” humming through my head. You are ruthless, yet you are kind. You are strong, though you have tumbled. You are worldly, yet you are humble. Thank you for having us.

Until then New York,

Emilyn Nguyen

– Emilyn Nguyen, Dear New York

Bettering Myself

Posted on January 30, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life)

Rise With the Sun: Let the Sun Kiss Your Eyelids Awake. A New Day Starts With Fresh Morning Air.
Be Kinder to Myself: Love Every Bit of Yourself. You are No Less of a Person. Don’t Be Afraid to Hold Your Own Hand. Don’t Be Afraid to Hug Yourself when You Need to. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Your Own Hero.
Say No: It’s Not Always to the Bad. Sometimes you must to what you see as Good.
Take Deep Breaths: Ten of Them. One for your Lungs, Two for the What Comes Next, Three to the Way you Hold Breath When you’re Nervous, & Four for the Words you’re about to Tell Yourself: “It’s Going to Be Okay”.
Take Care of Yourself: Remember This.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: People Make Mistakes. Including You.
Be Careful With Your Heart: Don’t Let People Back Into Your Life So Easily.
Give Your All: Give Everything.
Don’t Wait Too Long: When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Wait… A While – For Your Heart’s Content. When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Don’t Be Mad at Them. Leave the Moment to Rest. Don’t Wait Too Long, the Moment Needs Rest Too.
Choose Your Words Wisely: …but when they don’t come, don’t force them to.
It’s Okay to Love Too Much: Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, and Love.
Never Leave Anything Unfinished:
Stop Doubting Yourself: You Can’t Predict the Future. You Don’t Know Your Potential. Stop Acting like you’re already a Failure. Life’s Just Beginning.
Give Yourself Second Chances: A lot of them.
Drink More Water: Hydrate Your Roots, You Must.
Give Lots of Compliments: Too Many. You know you Love Making People Smile.
Love Unconditionally: Don’t Be Afraid.
“It’s Going to Be Okay”: No Matter What May Happen, It will be Okay.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: I Know Your Heart. You Don’t Want to Wrong Anyone. You Don’t Believe in Making Assumptions, but You Cannot Control What Other’s Think of You. Sometimes They Are Wrong.
Leave Toxic People & Things Behind: Leave the Parts of You that Try to Hold You Back.
Don’t Forget A Thing: Remember Where You Came From. Remember Who You Are.
Let Yourself Free: Go Explore Places that Leave You Breathless.
Go To Bed Early: The Sun is Waiting for You – To Kiss Your Eyelids Again. Remember, A New Day Starts With Morning Air.
Hold Your Head Up High: You Deserve More than What you May Think.
Forgive Yourself: Much Like You Forgive Others, but Don’t Let the Same Mistakes Repeat Themselves.
Live Life Like You’re Not Waiting For Something Better: This is it Do Your Best to Make Sure it’s Enough.
Currently Listening To: Ordinary Human By One Republic
Rise With the Sun: Let the Sun Kiss Your Eyelids Awake. A New Day Starts With Fresh Morning Air.
Be Kinder to Myself: Love Every Bit of Yourself. You are No Less of a Person. Don’t Be Afraid to Hold Your Own Hand. Don’t Be Afraid to Hug Yourself when You Need to. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Your Own Hero.
Say No: It’s Not Always to the Bad. Sometimes you must to what you see as Good.
Take Deep Breaths: Ten of Them. One for your Lungs, Two for the What Comes Next, Three to the Way you Hold Breath When you’re Nervous, & Four for the Words you’re about to Tell Yourself: “It’s Going to Be Okay”.
Take Care of Yourself: Remember This.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: People Make Mistakes. Including You.
Be Careful With Your Heart: Don’t Let People Back Into Your Life So Easily.
Give Your All: Give Everything.
Don’t Wait Too Long: When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Wait… A While – For Your Heart’s Content. When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Don’t Be Mad at Them. Leave the Moment to Rest. Don’t Wait Too Long, the Moment Needs Rest Too.
Choose Your Words Wisely: …but when they don’t come, don’t force them to.
It’s Okay to Love Too Much: Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, and Love.
Never Leave Anything Unfinished:
Stop Doubting Yourself: You Can’t Predict the Future. You Don’t Know Your Potential. Stop Acting like you’re already a Failure. Life’s Just Beginning.
Give Yourself Second Chances: A lot of them.
Drink More Water: Hydrate Your Roots, You Must.
Give Lots of Compliments: Too Many. You know you Love Making People Smile.
Love Unconditionally: Don’t Be Afraid.
“It’s Going to Be Okay”: No Matter What May Happen, It will be Okay.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: I Know Your Heart. You Don’t Want to Wrong Anyone. You Don’t Believe in Making Assumptions, but You Cannot Control What Other’s Think of You. Sometimes They Are Wrong.
Leave Toxic People & Things Behind: Leave the Parts of You that Try to Hold You Back.
Don’t Forget A Thing: Remember Where You Came From. Remember Who You Are.
Let Yourself Free: Go Explore Places that Leave You Breathless.
Go To Bed Early: The Sun is Waiting for You – To Kiss Your Eyelids Again. Remember, A New Day Starts With Morning Air.
Hold Your Head Up High: You Deserve More than What you May Think.
Forgive Yourself: Much Like You Forgive Others, but Don’t Let the Same Mistakes Repeat Themselves.
Live Life Like You’re Not Waiting For Something Better: This is it Do Your Best to Make Sure it’s Enough.

Currently Listening To: Ordinary Human By One Republic

– Emilyn Nguyen, Bettering Myself

Blank Canvases: New Beginings

Posted on January 1, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Prose

In a bundle of blankets wrapped around my legs, my toes still wander among them. They curl in a cold numbness, but move slowly outside of the sheets, only crawling back for sanctuary when it had decided to wander too far, sending a glimpse of the winter air invading the warmth I feel.

In retrospect, there are several candles burning simultaneously. Scents intermixing and seemingly to interchange with each other – “Vanilla Bean Noel”, “Leaves”, “Vanilla Frosted Cupcakes”, and “Apple Orchids”. The beginning of the wax melting and the ends of the wicks burning into the glass Mason jar, their aura of entitled seasons and settings – colliding with memories gathering at the frontal cortex of my mind, telling me to “remember…”

I remember faintly, but waking up to a New Year, my eyelids are heavy amongst morning light, but I can still feel the ache of my body against the hardwood floor beneath me. There is a mess of my books scrambled amongst the polished hardwood floor. Paint brushes and pens are spread apart messily from each other next to opened paint palettes, and untouched new sketch books – all lying still as if I were painting still life; a beautiful mess.

My journals are opened up to my favorite entries, for I was frantically flipping through them for inspiration; in a frantic search for a new idea. I have a fear to become a closed, quiet, and reserved mind, but against the wall, a blank canvas is still at the head of the mess is white and waiting patiently for a painting anew.

I think I must have fallen asleep staring at the canvas. There is still a paintbrush in my hand, wet with moisture. I reached for my brown journal the simplicity in the page catches my eye. It says, “If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.”

Useless.

I must admit I have been an empty mind, searching for what my mother calls a “lost cause.” Empty canvases are bad luck.

I can taste the candle burning now, overpowering in the memories they have connected to this room – this home. I drag my blankets off my legs walking to the window, and the snow is too bright for my eyes. A new sheet of ice has appeared on my window, but the white sheet of blankness and stillness appeals to me, leading me to start wandering.

I am falling into a white abyss.

There are indications of where I am, but I am inclined to find the root of its origin. There are parts that remind me of my childhood like a flashback of photos – quickly, so you feel like so much time has passed. What you don’t see is all the time that is coming.

You don’t know how much time is coming, but think far. Think far ahead. Dream far ahead, and only look back when reflecting, to better improve yourself. Wander. Wander far ahead with your dreams tucked behind your ears.

I recall memories of comfort and dread and in between them now is where I lie. It is something that I am sure of; something I am connected to. It is a tangible feeling that I feel. One minute you imagine that you’re eight, and others an age of sixteen.

To realize, I quiver in a dream walking as a paintbrush on a white-as-snow canvas, letting myself fall heavily into a white abyss. New snow falls for a new year; this lost cause is a new beginning.

–

I’ve picked up the paintbrush and begun to paint.

Photography By: Michelle Dee

Currently Listening To: Move Together By James Bay

– Emilyn Nguyen, Blank Canvases: New Beginnings