Life – ↠ Emilyn's Journey ↞

“The journey matters more than the destination.” – Tony Fahkry

Posted on December 12, 2015October 13, 2020 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Prose

It’s been a line, perhaps a bit over said, repeated over and over, at least a million times, for reassurance caught between tangled messes and the highest of climaxes:

“The journey matters more than the destination.”

They had told me of the destination before, and for so long it was just an idea. Perhaps it was a notion that was persuaded by the people that we surround ourselves with, and it would give us prosperity in its different variations of success. They had told me of the wealth, the favor, the eminence of the comfort it’d bring me. Like a higher being, it was something so magnificent, so devilishly charming, yet defiant it would be an extraordinary endeavor. Yet, I couldn’t possibly believe of settling for a destination.

I once thought about the happiness that it would bring into my life, if I had reached this place. Knowing that the journey would hurt more than a destination could try to make up for, but they had told me day in and day out that through the pain and the tears that it take to get there: that it would be incredible; that I would feel invincible.

They spoke of it like a promise land of wishes granted, and a billion stars, but I could only think about where I could possibly go from there, and one destination became distant, and soon a faint sight.

I have re-thought of my failures, and my moments of happiness in my journey, that they are the same, and I have counted the times I have walked, and each steps I have taken and realized that they count the same. I stand in the same place, the same endeavor, the same destination, still reaching to all my ambitions and aspirations, no matter how far they may be. My feet planted in every step no matter how difficult it becomes, and I cannot imagine a different path.

I cannot count how many times I’ve told myself that I have to be the person that gets up more times that I have fallen, but each time, I think is a new beginning, and before I am able to arch my back in defeat, I hold my head up, and suit up for the journey, and like I have heard a million times before, “The journey matters more than the destination.”

– Emilyn Nguyen, Wise Words: “The journey matters more than the destination.” – Tony Fahkry

Wise Words: “One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” – William Feather

Posted on October 6, 2015June 15, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, Prose

In the midst of a long summer night, inspiration seems to drift to our minds in forms of thoughtfulness, reminiscing of the day’s adventures, some vivid imagination, which sometimes even leading to new poems or prose written. Most commonly, a quiet night is one of crickets, fairy lights, blankets, summer breezes, and an exchange of “wise words” between the best of friends. Tonight’s wise words are those of anticipation of a long travel to her homeland: India. She quotes William Feather, “One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” I respond, “Safe Travels,” and I know she will be, one of safe thoughts, people, and places – but of course not too safe for what’s the journey without surprises, and challenges within them.

In these “Wise Words” I questioned myself: “What is one adventure you’d like to experience? Why?” – “What does your heart flutter to when your mind wanders?” I ask her this, in our spawn of deep thoughts, and open reflection. In a slew of “wise words” we answer, these are mine:

My adventure is one of spontaneity.

Never expecting an adventure coming. Live chasing ambitions so vigorously, a love or friendship so powerful, a journey so great – so meaningful, so everlasting, so memorable that the grounds beneath our feet pile in our shoes by the build up of soil and pebbles building up in our shoes as we run in directions that are unknown to us. The memories from these adventures are timeless when it’s spontaneous. Never settling for what lands in our shoes, but running so that more is given, and more is returned.

These adventures – our lives – are scrambled, but always validated for they never happen alone, and when they do, it does not go unnoticed. All we say is “it’s time.” Holding up our watches to check the time, but nothing is ticking but the direction of where the hour hand points, and then the minute – and that is the direction we go. Our watches turn into compasses, guiding our adventures in confusion before a grin of contemplation, and schemes come into play.

Spontaneity sets in when a breeze whistles in our ear, and pulls our hair, assuming a start, outside infinitely, talking about nothing and everything until the temperature drops. Feelings are small but a wide spectrum of happiness, and some of unsure indifference to hindering moments. In the end, there is a tall tale that consume a memory of the ambience of the atmosphere; its touch, its finish, its smell, its aura so different, so special, so unique from any other adventure before.

When our adventures are also our dreams that we have been chasing our whole lives, and perhaps there are holes at the bottom of our shoes letting every build up of what we’ve learned again, there is chance that you are running too fast. Take a moment to mend your shoes, learn to reflect on the the experiences you’ve had. Spontaneously do this – frequently.

Live for an unsettling factor in your heart toward what is unknown. Find what is fueling your energy. Use the energy to try to touch the lives of others. Spread your love. Adventure spontaneously. Give your compass-watch, a tap, and start again.

Photographs done with one of my best friends, Meghana Kakarla, of the blog “Coffee Time with Meg”!

– Emilyn Nguyen, Wise Words: “One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” – William Feather (Featuring Meghana Kakarla of MegKakarla.Com)

This is the first piece inspired by William Feather’s quote, “One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure,” is written in a collaboration series:

Wise Words: A Series

This series is inspired by one of my best friends, Meghana Kakarla of the blog “Coffee Time with Meg”, and something I hope to share alongside her. For finding and then sharing our “Wise Words” at the end of the day has become one of my favorite pastimes, leaving me looking at many quotes to find one that sticks out among the others to share, already empowering myself with words of wisdom. In the evenings, when we say “talk to you tomorrow” we say it alongside a quote, phrase, or saying that inspired, empowered, or evoked us in some way in which we call “Wise Words” leaving us motivated for our ambitions of the days that follow.

Meghana:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/meghanaak

Instagram: https://instagram.com/meghanaa37/

Blog: https://coffeetimewithmeg.wordpress.com

18

Posted on July 20, 2015October 13, 2020 by Emilyn in Life

“Today feels the same as yesterday, and meeting you in the mirror is no different from any other day,” you wrote, but today you turned eighteen, and all of a sudden you felt like you heard “happy birthday” for the first time. You have always told yourself that each day is for growing up, and each year you said that “Maybe things would be different this time around – this year around,” but eighteen years have now passed, and your journals have accumulated lessons learned, and broken promises to yourself; all of which have built you.

It’s quite simple: I see it in everything you do, everything you say, everything that you work for. The time is now, and it is always now that you always deserve to be celebrated, each coming year; all that you learn, all that you have accomplished deserves to be celebrated. All that has happened this year, and all the years reminiscing leading up to 18.

18 Things I Learned Since Turning 18:

Your most prized possession: Time. The future is a lot closer than it seems. Time in minutes or hour intervals passes by so quickly, seize each moment.
Simplicity is Key. The smallest of things lead to the greatest.
Believe in what you think is Impossible. Hard work can get you anywhere if you put your mind to it.
Don’t forget your roots. Never forget where you came from. It raised you, no matter how bad you think of it, it’s made you how you are to change it or believe in it. Spend Time with your Family. Hug your mom. Talk to your dad. They care you about you more than any one else in this world. They only want what is best for you. Listen to what they have to say, their advice is one of a kind.
Compliment Everyone. It’s they’re – everyone’s – weakness. Their weaknesses will disintegrate as their strengths rise with your words.
Don’t miss a Chance to Tell Someone You Appreciate Them. The sweetest things in life usually come from the acts of others, even the smallest of actions make the biggest of difference. Tell them how much they mean to you. Pass it on.
Kill Everyone with Kindness. Always be Kind: For, “Kindness makes the world go round.”
Everyone is Different – including you. Don’t worry about what other people think. Learn to love yourself, your knick and knacks, each and every part of your self, and your personality. Learning to love and accept yourself will let you learn to love and accept other people just as they are.
Take Chances. You’re going to regret all of the chances you didn’t more than the mistakes that you made doing all of the things you took a chance doing.
It’s true when they say that “Actions Speak Louder than Words.”
You never regret finishing a book. Sneak some lines in between when you go to bed and when you fall asleep, you’ll always have something to take out of it.
Believe in True Friendship. You may think that you’re being left out now, but let time tell. If they don’t put an effort in staying in your life, then don’t put yourself down trying to. Time is valuable. Don’t waste your time on people that will make an impact on your life – positively. Spend it with people who will make a different, who care about your happiness, who care about what you want, and will help you achieve it.
Forgive Yourself. Don’t linger upon what cannot be changed. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Stop overthinking.
Don’t Be Afraid of Change. Change is completely inevitable. Don’t be afraid to face your fears. All that is wonderful takes courage. Accept change’s spontaneity, and its challenge of self-doubt and temptation, but don’t give up no matter how hard it gets.
Write Everything Down – in your little brown leather journal. Write your goals down. Write down what you did today. Write down the things worth remembering and the things that you could have done better. Write lists. Write stories. Write poetry and prose. Write down all that is worth remembering, and all that will not be worth remembering… Write the world – your world. Someday, someone will have wanted to read it too. Nothing is better than reading – especially not a great story.
Never settle. Life is too short to never feel alive as often as possible.

– Emilyn Nguyen, 18

My Graduation Speech: How to Define Time

Posted on June 27, 2015March 13, 2017 by Emilyn in Life, Prose

I graduated! These last four years, I have been blessed with tears of happiness, and sadness; laughter of hysterical stress, and genuine jokes and puns; memories of pristine classrooms, tests, and white papers in line with energetic hallways crowded with people I have learned to love; moments of delusional sleep deprivation, and mostly wisdom — at least we hoped. As we all departed our separate ways walking across the stage to the lives that were waiting for us, I was so honored, and extremely humbled to be the salutatorian student speaker for our graduation class of 2015!

Thank you administrators, faculty, staff, family, and friends for joining us here today to celebrate the graduating class of 2015!

To the Class of 2015,

Through all the time that we have spent at here Greece Athena — this is approximately our 1,465th day – this is the first day, however, I am able to say: We Made It!

We have made it through:
The times spent fighting through the crowded hallways.
The times procrastinating on homework.
The times of inedible food at the cafeteria.
The times consumed by long hours of theatre rehearsals, and sports practices.
The times spent fighting senioritis.
And
The times opposing the bitter-sweetness of this last moment at Greece Athena High School.

I realize that there are a myriad of ways to talk about and define time; there are the memories of the past, the moments of the present, and the impression of the highly anticipated future. It is difficult to distinguish the time we have spent here for we have counted our time foolishly in class periods and weeks – counting down the days until our eventual freedom.

It is difficult to define time, without reflecting on the years prior to 2015: our beginning as oblivious freshmen, roaming deer-in-headlights; our sophomore year, stuck in between; followed by the rigor of junior year building our confidence to become the class we are today.

It is difficult to define time without the people who made sure we didn’t waste a second of it; the people that we all owe a great deal of gratitude to:

Our parents: for our foundation, for supporting us in our endless endeavors, for dragging us out of bed every morning and driving us to school; for encouraging us, giving us space to grow, for keeping us fed and clothed, and so loved – these are only a few of the ways they have supported us;

Our friends: for the laughter, tears and companionship;

Our teachers: for building our middle ground and sharing their time and knowledge with us; for demanding excellence from us no matter what challenge was presented;

Our coaches and mentors: for advising and inspiring us, for teaching us the importance of being disciplined and putting effort whether we win or we lose.

It is difficult to define time without these individuals and all they have put toward our development as they sought to teach us the value of time.

Though it is difficult to define time, it is clear that time evolves. Today we reflect on our past as well as contemplate the endeavors and challenges we have ahead of us. Through an evolution, anything is possible. In reference to time, Enute Johnson once stated, “Don’t worry about being on time, be in time.” Because when you are “in” time, you can accept and experience a much larger slice of life as it unfolds.” I realize that we feel that time has both flown by, dragged on, and now at the end of these four years, we have run out of time. As we look back, time seems to have gone by too quickly, when we looked toward the future, it seemed to go by too slow. It is important to remember that time is created by us. As we embark on new experiences and take on new challenges, let’s remember to define the moment; it holds promise and hope. Let’s take our time and take in our time.

Before Mr. Richardson begins to count down the seconds left of this speech,
5…
4…
3…
2…

I leave you with not the bell, but the time you have left define. In time, everything eventually ends. Endings are unfortunately inevitable. As much as I have looked forward to this day, I have always disliked endings. Today is when our time here comes to a close. Today, we leave all that we are accustomed to; all that is comfortable. We have, however, memories that will stay still and people who have become a part of us. They are our solid ground; our time spent; our future, our present and our past. This moment in time is frozen, and soon my words will linger in the air, and the clock will continue to keep ticking. I am proud and so honored to be a part of this class. In our caps, gowns, and soon, holding our diplomas, there is so much for us to proceed to do with this education and the time we have spent with each other.

Dear New York,

Posted on April 25, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Travel

April 23^rd, 2015 – April 25^th, 2015

Dear New York,

I have heard about your chaotic beauty. How your lights never dim, your streets never end, and your energy never stops seeking the attention you know deserve…

–

For these past three days, I experienced you, New York City for the first time with my High School Music Program. As all of our music ensembles from Symphonic band, Jazz band to all the Choirs took on competition at a music festival at the Riverside Church at the end of this week, we got the chance to roam and experience the city from the night we arrived to the day of competition. Endlessly moving starting on the afternoon of our arrival, we began with Broadway show of our choice; followed by a full day of sightseeing, wandering, and adventuring through your Chelsea Market, Highline Park, Battery Park, Time’s Square, ending with a Subway Series Yankee versus Mets game which lead us into our competition day! Being a busy few days, it was certainly an unforgettable first trip to you, New York City.

Living in New York state, you would think that I would have at least gone to New York City at least once in my life time, but this was in fact my first time, and there were many events, and sights that made it absolutely unforgettable. Living in a small town, the aura New York City shared with me was one with energy of enthusiasm. You welcomed us with loud horns, and music, street acts, and dancers.

Packing List:

Things I Packed [In a Small Black Backpack]:

My Brown Leather Notebook – Always.
My Sketch Book
An Agenda: How could I go without my Kate!
Phone
Camera
Utensils
Magazines: Time, and Popular Science (My favorite!)
Reading Book: Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time [Let me know if any one of you would like me to do a review on this book.]
iPad Mini
Homework: [Unfortunately for the “Music Trip” we left on a school day, so I had a few essays to write for my AP classes, and projects to plan to make up for missing my classes. ]

Things I Packed [In a Small Duffle]:

Laptop
Pearl Necklace
Black Flats
Sneakers
Red Lipstick
Tee shirts
Jeans
My Favorite Trench Coat
My Favorite Pair of Pajamas
Black Performance Dress
My Flute
Crutches

Yes, the crutches, roaming through the city on crutches surely makes it unforgettable, from the view of a pair of metal pieces, I still felt so humbled to have been here with the company of my friends, and classmates.

Ice Packs

Activities and Excursions/Travel Itinerary:

Matilda on Broadway

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I don’t have enough amazing words for this show! I was absolutely blown away! I can’t pick a number but I think the alphabet number was my favorite! Impeccable show! Would definitely recommend it, and I’ll be seeing it again!

Times Square

Despite crutching twelve blocks throughout Times Square, I had an amazing time with friends stuck by my side, smiles and laughter while people watching by the streets.

Chelsea Market

What a cute little market! There were so many little shops that offered many different foods, trinkets, and everything you can think of! There was this AMAZING Crepe Bar! I had the classic Strawberry and Nutella Crepe! SO GOOD. There is something for everyone here. You can come for a stroll, or you can come to shop – or pictures. There was so much creativity coming from each shop in this market.

High Line Park

High Line Park is the epitome of all railroad tracks – so absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful.

Battery Park

Spontaneous adventures are a must when in New York, and this was one of them. Seeing the Statue of Liberty from afar, taking pictures of the water… what could beat it?

New York Yankees versus New York Mets Subways Series Game

The Yankees won! Our seats were amazing, minus the fact that we were facing the wind, as our hats were blown away, and our faces were burnt by the heavy wind. Freezing but SO MUCH FUN!

Riverside Church

WE DID SO WELL IN COMPETITION! All our groups performed and got high markings even with the difficulty of our pieces!

–

I cannot find the right words nor enough words to describe these past few days, though it was a short time period spent. I feel as if New York has brought a new light to my eyes, and a wanderlust to come back to explore more.

As I’m currently on the way home from your known lights, New York, on this bus, I must say, your confidence speaks loudly through the people that roam your streets in the amounts of human bodies and endless noise. Millions of people have grazed the cement grounds all agreeing that: you are undoubtedly, one of the most beautiful, yet sophisticated places we have ever stepped foot on. You are confident in all those you allow to step foot on your stone. You shine your lights on them, and brightly, never dimmed. You surprise them. You entertain them. You take them in, and on to your streets, letting them strut and bring their world to yours. New York, without question, I have “New York State of Mind” humming through my head. You are ruthless, yet you are kind. You are strong, though you have tumbled. You are worldly, yet you are humble. Thank you for having us.

Until then New York,

Emilyn Nguyen

– Emilyn Nguyen, Dear New York

Bettering Myself

Posted on January 30, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life)

Rise With the Sun: Let the Sun Kiss Your Eyelids Awake. A New Day Starts With Fresh Morning Air.
Be Kinder to Myself: Love Every Bit of Yourself. You are No Less of a Person. Don’t Be Afraid to Hold Your Own Hand. Don’t Be Afraid to Hug Yourself when You Need to. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Your Own Hero.
Say No: It’s Not Always to the Bad. Sometimes you must to what you see as Good.
Take Deep Breaths: Ten of Them. One for your Lungs, Two for the What Comes Next, Three to the Way you Hold Breath When you’re Nervous, & Four for the Words you’re about to Tell Yourself: “It’s Going to Be Okay”.
Take Care of Yourself: Remember This.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: People Make Mistakes. Including You.
Be Careful With Your Heart: Don’t Let People Back Into Your Life So Easily.
Give Your All: Give Everything.
Don’t Wait Too Long: When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Wait… A While – For Your Heart’s Content. When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Don’t Be Mad at Them. Leave the Moment to Rest. Don’t Wait Too Long, the Moment Needs Rest Too.
Choose Your Words Wisely: …but when they don’t come, don’t force them to.
It’s Okay to Love Too Much: Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, and Love.
Never Leave Anything Unfinished:
Stop Doubting Yourself: You Can’t Predict the Future. You Don’t Know Your Potential. Stop Acting like you’re already a Failure. Life’s Just Beginning.
Give Yourself Second Chances: A lot of them.
Drink More Water: Hydrate Your Roots, You Must.
Give Lots of Compliments: Too Many. You know you Love Making People Smile.
Love Unconditionally: Don’t Be Afraid.
“It’s Going to Be Okay”: No Matter What May Happen, It will be Okay.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: I Know Your Heart. You Don’t Want to Wrong Anyone. You Don’t Believe in Making Assumptions, but You Cannot Control What Other’s Think of You. Sometimes They Are Wrong.
Leave Toxic People & Things Behind: Leave the Parts of You that Try to Hold You Back.
Don’t Forget A Thing: Remember Where You Came From. Remember Who You Are.
Let Yourself Free: Go Explore Places that Leave You Breathless.
Go To Bed Early: The Sun is Waiting for You – To Kiss Your Eyelids Again. Remember, A New Day Starts With Morning Air.
Hold Your Head Up High: You Deserve More than What you May Think.
Forgive Yourself: Much Like You Forgive Others, but Don’t Let the Same Mistakes Repeat Themselves.
Live Life Like You’re Not Waiting For Something Better: This is it Do Your Best to Make Sure it’s Enough.
Currently Listening To: Ordinary Human By One Republic
Rise With the Sun: Let the Sun Kiss Your Eyelids Awake. A New Day Starts With Fresh Morning Air.
Be Kinder to Myself: Love Every Bit of Yourself. You are No Less of a Person. Don’t Be Afraid to Hold Your Own Hand. Don’t Be Afraid to Hug Yourself when You Need to. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Your Own Hero.
Say No: It’s Not Always to the Bad. Sometimes you must to what you see as Good.
Take Deep Breaths: Ten of Them. One for your Lungs, Two for the What Comes Next, Three to the Way you Hold Breath When you’re Nervous, & Four for the Words you’re about to Tell Yourself: “It’s Going to Be Okay”.
Take Care of Yourself: Remember This.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself: People Make Mistakes. Including You.
Be Careful With Your Heart: Don’t Let People Back Into Your Life So Easily.
Give Your All: Give Everything.
Don’t Wait Too Long: When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Wait… A While – For Your Heart’s Content. When Something or Someone Doesn’t Come. Don’t Be Mad at Them. Leave the Moment to Rest. Don’t Wait Too Long, the Moment Needs Rest Too.
Choose Your Words Wisely: …but when they don’t come, don’t force them to.
It’s Okay to Love Too Much: Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, and Love.
Never Leave Anything Unfinished:
Stop Doubting Yourself: You Can’t Predict the Future. You Don’t Know Your Potential. Stop Acting like you’re already a Failure. Life’s Just Beginning.
Give Yourself Second Chances: A lot of them.
Drink More Water: Hydrate Your Roots, You Must.
Give Lots of Compliments: Too Many. You know you Love Making People Smile.
Love Unconditionally: Don’t Be Afraid.
“It’s Going to Be Okay”: No Matter What May Happen, It will be Okay.
Don’t Take Anything Personally: I Know Your Heart. You Don’t Want to Wrong Anyone. You Don’t Believe in Making Assumptions, but You Cannot Control What Other’s Think of You. Sometimes They Are Wrong.
Leave Toxic People & Things Behind: Leave the Parts of You that Try to Hold You Back.
Don’t Forget A Thing: Remember Where You Came From. Remember Who You Are.
Let Yourself Free: Go Explore Places that Leave You Breathless.
Go To Bed Early: The Sun is Waiting for You – To Kiss Your Eyelids Again. Remember, A New Day Starts With Morning Air.
Hold Your Head Up High: You Deserve More than What you May Think.
Forgive Yourself: Much Like You Forgive Others, but Don’t Let the Same Mistakes Repeat Themselves.
Live Life Like You’re Not Waiting For Something Better: This is it Do Your Best to Make Sure it’s Enough.

Currently Listening To: Ordinary Human By One Republic

– Emilyn Nguyen, Bettering Myself

Blank Canvases: New Beginings

Posted on January 1, 2015June 13, 2016 by Emilyn in Life, My Journal (My Life), Photography, Prose

In a bundle of blankets wrapped around my legs, my toes still wander among them. They curl in a cold numbness, but move slowly outside of the sheets, only crawling back for sanctuary when it had decided to wander too far, sending a glimpse of the winter air invading the warmth I feel.

In retrospect, there are several candles burning simultaneously. Scents intermixing and seemingly to interchange with each other – “Vanilla Bean Noel”, “Leaves”, “Vanilla Frosted Cupcakes”, and “Apple Orchids”. The beginning of the wax melting and the ends of the wicks burning into the glass Mason jar, their aura of entitled seasons and settings – colliding with memories gathering at the frontal cortex of my mind, telling me to “remember…”

I remember faintly, but waking up to a New Year, my eyelids are heavy amongst morning light, but I can still feel the ache of my body against the hardwood floor beneath me. There is a mess of my books scrambled amongst the polished hardwood floor. Paint brushes and pens are spread apart messily from each other next to opened paint palettes, and untouched new sketch books – all lying still as if I were painting still life; a beautiful mess.

My journals are opened up to my favorite entries, for I was frantically flipping through them for inspiration; in a frantic search for a new idea. I have a fear to become a closed, quiet, and reserved mind, but against the wall, a blank canvas is still at the head of the mess is white and waiting patiently for a painting anew.

I think I must have fallen asleep staring at the canvas. There is still a paintbrush in my hand, wet with moisture. I reached for my brown journal the simplicity in the page catches my eye. It says, “If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.”

Useless.

I must admit I have been an empty mind, searching for what my mother calls a “lost cause.” Empty canvases are bad luck.

I can taste the candle burning now, overpowering in the memories they have connected to this room – this home. I drag my blankets off my legs walking to the window, and the snow is too bright for my eyes. A new sheet of ice has appeared on my window, but the white sheet of blankness and stillness appeals to me, leading me to start wandering.

I am falling into a white abyss.

There are indications of where I am, but I am inclined to find the root of its origin. There are parts that remind me of my childhood like a flashback of photos – quickly, so you feel like so much time has passed. What you don’t see is all the time that is coming.

You don’t know how much time is coming, but think far. Think far ahead. Dream far ahead, and only look back when reflecting, to better improve yourself. Wander. Wander far ahead with your dreams tucked behind your ears.

I recall memories of comfort and dread and in between them now is where I lie. It is something that I am sure of; something I am connected to. It is a tangible feeling that I feel. One minute you imagine that you’re eight, and others an age of sixteen.

To realize, I quiver in a dream walking as a paintbrush on a white-as-snow canvas, letting myself fall heavily into a white abyss. New snow falls for a new year; this lost cause is a new beginning.

–

I’ve picked up the paintbrush and begun to paint.

Photography By: Michelle Dee

Currently Listening To: Move Together By James Bay

– Emilyn Nguyen, Blank Canvases: New Beginnings

Twenty-Fourteen

Posted on December 31, 2014March 12, 2017 by Emilyn in Life

Hellos are met at the front door with sincere waves and smiles. Notice the curvatures of their lips – their off-white teeth and cracked lips shining like moonlight towards an opening of one’s heart and letting someone in. The creak of the porch served as a stoic warning, but I entered. My awkward posture, fidgeting hands, and a discrete smile, I entered with such caution, and propriety; still feeling the uneasy step in to a white abyss: a new year. A blank space it was. In the depths of my persona, I was a pair of bright eyes, very little of a voice, and an overfilled brown leather journal. On the twenty-fourth page of it, I wrote:

“Twenty-Fourteen is about an evolution; a change in time with an entirely different meaning; an emerging voice; another side of fear; laughing endlessly; loving ceaselessly; running regularly; remembering the smallest moments; reading hundreds; writing even more; an exploration somewhere near, and somewhere far; an adventure; learning something new, and something old; freely living – infinitely, and fearlessly.”

Now, I think:

Changing. Perhaps.

Evolving. Entirely.

I finally found my voice, and it was no longer in the symbolism of neither my poetry, prose, nor strokes of my brushes, but the sound waves when I spoke. I didn’t believe my mother when she told me that “you’d grow into your voice. It’s okay to be shy,” but eventually I did. My anxiety when speaking eventually evaporated and my voice did emerge along with an obnoxious laugh, the way my mother says my father tilts his head back and squeals in silent laughter, and a contagious chuckle. I evolved. I was no longer just entering the front doors with sincere waves, and smiles, but I was letting people enter with a darling hello. I became observant of the smallest of memories in book characters, and new found friends. I was the greeter at the door by the end of Twenty-Fourteen.

I let people freely enter my life. I welcomed them. I met people that loved me, changed me, cared for me, but also love, and cherish in return. I met people for days a time, only a week, to grow as sisters – still growing, still evolving. I met people that laughed and loved me for one bad joke and an obscure giggle. I met people that understand me, and that don’t; people that were distinctively at the opposite end of the pole of where I was, but those were where the adventures were best. For once, I was content with not being able to understand content with having neither an explanation nor reason for all that I do in my lifetime. I can love science while loving religion as an old blanket; I can be creative while being innovative…

“With a mind like yours, stay true to what you believe…”

I was blessed with adventures, small and large with these people. Explorations with them, I found pieces of myself in each place I found myself wandering in, the good and the bad: my plan to start anew. I was met face to face with my fears and my failures, and this alone was a blessing. Through my books, my long strolls, running reminiscing in the rain, spinning in summer dresses, getting lost in old libraries, biking in the woods, I was no longer afraid to let go, be wild, be free, and be misunderstood. Twenty-Fourteen loved me, made me, broke me, and changed me. Until now, I realize that I’m surrounded by such energy in this life, of both love and such fearlessness, I am no longer afraid to wander alone into a welcoming white abyss: this New Year.

– Emilyn Nguyen, Twenty-Fourteen

Currently Listening To: Your Song By Elton John

Collection of Memories of Twenty-Fourteen:
(Opening My Memory Jar)

Beyond the Microscope: (January) Medical Center Science Research Symposium – With Claire, Matthew, and Allison
Love in 14 Ways: (Valentine’s Day, February) Carnation Giving at Hospital – With Claire, Juliana, Meghana, and Allison
Discovering Water Colors: (March) Rediscovering Water Color Paints! How Beautiful!
First Large Canvas Painting: (April) C’est Paris! Painting of Paris Completed!
Honored: (May) National Honor Society Initiation Ceremony
First Fears: (May) First Science Research Presentation – With Matthew, Allison, Claire, and Science Research Class
All Dolled Up: (June) Junior Prom – With Allison, Claire, Juliana (and Meghana in spirit)
Claire Bear: (July) Claire’s Birthday Surprise! – With Meghana, and Allison
Motivational Friends = Motivation is Contagious: (July) CURIE Academy at Cornell University – With CURIE Girls Internationally
Carolina Shores: (July) Outerbanks – with Lily, and Family
Hurricane Arthur: (July) Maryland for Sanctuary – With Ethan, Emma, Lily, Danny, Timothy, and Family
Land of the Free: (July) Little Ethan finds comfort in my arms for the Fourth of July Fireworks in Maryland – With Lily, Emma, Ethan, Danny Timothy, and Family
Seventeen in Ithaca: (July) Birthday Insomnia Cookies, Breakfast, Presentation, Lunch & Dinner – With CURIE Girls, Lily, Timothy, and Family
Broken Humerus, Not Humorous (July): Timothy’s Surgery
Running in Place: (August) Rochester Scholars Session B: Biomedical technology: Engineer, Doctor, or Both?
I’m Listening: (August) Rochester2014 Session B: Cochlea: Microphone of the Inner Ear
“I Can’t Pose!”: (September) Senior Photos – With Michelle
More Bitter than Sweet: (September) Last Year of High School
Trojans, Trojans what’s Your Cry? V-I-C-T-O-R-Y: (October) Spirit Week/ Homecoming! – With Friends
Last Season: (October) Meghana’s Last Tennis Match of her High School Career: She won! – With Juliana, and Bethany
At Hallows: (October) Cat for Taekwondo Halloween Party, Zombies for Halloween Trick-Or-Treating – With Lily, Danny, and Timothy
Before Thanksgiving: (November) College, College, College [Applications]
Thankful Thanks: (November) Thanksgiving at Lynn’s House – With Lynn, Michelle, Lily, and Family
Midnight Rumble: (November) Black Friday – With Lily & Mom
With the People of the Era, Where I Belong: Senior to Senior Intergenerational Dance – With Kat, Meghana, Claire &
Elephant Santa: (December) Gag Gifts Secret Santa – With Friends
Baby, It’s Cold Outside:(December) Holiday Party – with Allison, Claire, Meghana, and Juliana